Mellenkahlee
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Sunday, February 22, 2004
Confronting your best fear... Zort from URL @ 6:39 PM Confronting your best fear... Alright here's where I turn my heart inside out. I do have the world's strongest feelings about this person, and she said she did too. But she didn't. she was feeling empty so she lied to me. And cut my open and let my bleed for the sake of her insecurities. I've never been a selfish guy, but when I expend all my soul just to tell someone how much I love them, and they rip a hole out of my chest, I find it hard not to be for once, a tad bit selfish. It isn't wrong to cover your heart from such abuse. It isn't wrong to guard you heart from her, or myself. It isn't wrong to re-discover razorblades. It isn't wrong to ignore emotions. Every time I've ever thought I loved someone, they acknowledge the fact that I do love them, and agree that they probably shouldn't do anything to make my fear of love worse... Then they break my life into so many peices that I can't find any. The act like they love me back. They quote things that I said to them so endearingly, as if they meant nothing, for their own emotional gain. They take my words of "I truly love you." as an "EGO STROKE" instead of my heart and soul in the form of words. They tell all their friends they want to marry me, whilst in reality they swoon over the emo-kid in texas. They tell me that theres an island on which we'll raise our kids, lots of "little me's and you's", a tropical paradise where she can have phone sex with her REAL boyfriend in our bamboo hut while I look for her. They start to gain my affection, but quickly throw it back by trying to kiss me in a theatre. They rebound to me. They don't love me. You wonder why I'm so "BROKEN" but fail to realize that YOU broke me. Over, and over and over...
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