Mellenkahlee
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Friday, August 08, 2003
Zort from URL @ 12:17 AM The tears poured forth... Today isofficially the worst day of my life. I just severed ties with the fellowship, along with Jenni. I never thought it would boil down to this, but now it has. I'm not even going to say what it is that she said, but it hurt. I mean this kind of hurt exceeds any kind of pain I've known before. I never meant to hurt her, I really didn't. And now I feel as though my heart was sliced open with a kai razor. I had to say goodbye. She wouldnt even realize that it was over. Not that she couldnt but she wouldnt. I kept trying to give her a chance to say goodbye, and she wouldnt. I know she doesnt censor her blog, neither do I. Which is another part of why it hurts so bad. Bah, I had to stop writing for a few minutes there. And I'm trying not to cry, My dad said only boys cry. And I'm not going to be a boy anymore. It's time to move on. I need to grow uup, and get my self straightend out. No more being disgusting and lusting at supermodels, just to feel like a pervert later. No more crying. No more falling in love with girls that are too good for me. No more self pity. Especialy no more self pity. When somthing hurts me I'm not going to dwell on it. What's in the past is in the past. I have recently discoverd that Arson Investigation is where I would like to be headed towards in my career. It's a very fascinating science, and It pays well. Something I could really sink my teeth into. No more dreams of playing guitar in a rock band with my friends. No more thoughts about killing myself. No more blaming my problems on other people. No more fist fights. No more childish arguments about petty things that might ruin something good. No more clowning. No more wishing. No more Dreaming. "Get your head out of the cirrus matter young Timothy." Thats what my science teacher used to say. No more punk rock. No more foul language. No more ditching church. No more telling Jesus he can wait. No more playing along. No more hoarding the gospel. No more wearing my heart on my sleeve. No more pretending I'm not christian around non-christians. No more childhood. I'm through with it.
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